Not To Worry

1:19:00 PM

Started to blog this at 2 am after looking at Khubayb and Elhan fast asleep on the hospital bed while I’m sleeping on the sofa tonight. I’ve been sleeping with Elhan, by his side, on the bed since that night we brought him to the emergency department 11 days ago. I didn’t leave his side at the hospital except when I had to bathe, or on some days that I didn’t eat the hospital food and  went down to get some
food, and the few hours that I had to go to the office that one day because I had to, to resolve some issues and finalise certain things with aere’s team as they are heavily preparing for our next international show and exhibition happening this week. Someone’s also unwell at home so I went back for awhile last night just to be there at home while Khubayb stayed slept with Elhan.

He was 40 degrees when we first brought him here 11 days ago. And after he was admitted last Monday, 7 days ago, his temperature went to 39 and 40 a few times. He had to go through nebulisers, countless injections, his line had to be done at different places because his veins were infected and swollen, one of the days he turned really red like a lobster, he luka or bled coz he moved during nose suction where they insert tubes like small vacuums to suck out the phlegm etc, and there was a time he scratched his legs till they bled because of itchiness. He had his line done on both hands as well his feet for the drip because he couldn’t eat and drink without vomiting and he had no appetite for a few days. They have taken out the drip a few days ago but the other new antibiotics had to be administered through the line for at least 1 hour to make it less painful for him. He has been crying nonstop when the new antibiotics was administered so when they checked, the injected place where they connected the line was infected and swollen again.

So yesterday he had to redo the new line, again. Every time a new line is established he’s so scared of it and he cries (not as bad as when the nose and mouth suction is done twice a day though) but of course that’s normal. The nebuliser was done every 4 hours initially including in the middle of the night. But when he seemed a lil better it became every 6 hours and now every 8 hours. The first 2 times he went through the nebuliser treatment he resisted, cried a bit and was so scared of it but after a while he seems like he accepted the fact that it has to be done and it will make him better. Redha face. So he doesn’t resist as much and there were a few times that he actually slept when he is on nebulisers. Only last night he was a bit apprehensive when he had to do the nebuliser treatment yet again. Probably just exhausted after all the days in the hospital, being unwell and undergoing so many treatments and eating all the meds. Such a strong boy our lil fighter Elhan.

So yes Elhan is still in the hospital at this moment. 

It’s unexpected to have to stay this long with what started out as just a fever which the doctor discovered is very much more complicated. But we continue to do what’s best for him. This is not the first time he was hospitalised, earlier this year in February he was admitted and we had to stay in the hospital for 8 days, me and him and we were only discharged the afternoon before my trip to London for work. I have been in the hospital much longer to care for my children before, Elhan’s elder siblings but though I have done so it’s still heartbreaking to see your child unwell or at the hospital. Thank God the ambience of this hospital is quite colourful and one of the most cheerful and friendly I’ve ever been to as are the nurses and doctors which is so nice to have for the kids. It does help lift up the mood a bit.

Thanks to all the prayers, love, support from everyone and all the treatments that Elhan has gone through the past 11 days, he can now be his cheerful active self. Not as active as usual before he became unwell but now he can stand and crawl again and his appetite and cheekiness is back. Yayyy! All praises to the Almighty now E is getting better.

He is not going to be discharged today but I will have to leave not just the hospital but Malaysia very early tomorrow morning. Sometimes I’m worried at the thought of leaving him here. But I know I shouldn’t worry too much. It sucks to go while he is still in the hospital but as a working mum, I got to do what I gotta do. As some say, one day he will understand. Still I will be leaving with a heavy heart. Plus, his condition is getting better today so I’m a little less worried now than yesterday.

A question to moms : Is it normal to feel not so good when you have to go for a scheduled work trip or continue your other obligations but your child is still in the hospital or unwell so you can’t be around them when they need you the most?

I asked the same question on IG last night and received so many replies via WhatsApp, personal text and direct messages saying that it’s totally normal. I guess like what I’ve mentioned in my previous post before, this is what juggling being a mother and having a career is all about. It’s a constant balancing act.


Alhamdulillah now he looks much better but the fact that he is still not well and won’t be discharged before my work trip kind of sucks. But of course I can’t be selfish, if the doctor says he must stay and continue his treatments then I have to let them do what’s best for him because nothing else even matters and making him better is the first priority. But it kinda sucks that I won’t be here with him throughout especially since I have been by his side throughout the hospital stay, treatments, sleeping with him, comforting him the past 10 days. I was told not to worry too much, but I guess it’s normal for a mother to worry about their child when something like this happens. But I have to remind myself to worry less, and leave it all to the Almighty since we have done our best to give him the best care and medical attention possible. It doesn’t feel good to leave but may he be protected always and may God heal Elhan. I have faith and I believe that all will be well for both my family and my work if God wills it. May He determine what’s best for both.

Just a quick curahan hati here before I leave the hospital. I started this post at 2am last night but had to stop a few times, being in the hospital, typing from my phone when I can steal some time. Right now I’m waiting for my turn to do a nasal swab at the outpatient section downstairs because the doctor wants to see where my husband or I am a carrier of a bacteria which they found in Elhan’s body yesterday. After this is done I will take my stuffs in our room at the ward, rush to the office to meet the aere team, finalise the looks and continue to discuss other things that we were only able to discuss through Whatsapp and email, just settle everything before our morning flight tomorrow, pack for the loooonnnnng trip, settle things at home and just go with the flow.

May God fully cure my son Elhan, make it easy for my family, and for my team and the whole work trip.

We have given our best, our 100%, and have received so many good wishes and prayers from everyone. Now, I leave everything to the Ultimate Planner and I’m writing this post to remind my worrier self, NOT TO WORRY.

When he was getting better and started being his active self, Elhan didn’t want to stay on the bed. Unlike the first few days where he was too exhausted to move above and either was lying down or being extra clingy and wanted us to carry him all the time. But now that he is getting better, I wanted to lure him to go back on to the bed so I put all his toys on the bed and this was his reaction to it. Hehe. Yay, my happy baby is back !

Khubayb wanted to comfort him while he was crying during one of the nebuliser sessions so he put the other one to his nose to show him that he’s not alone and then took out his phone for a selfie, and it worked!

Khubayb sent this to me last night as it was my first night since Elhan was hospitalised that I am not there to be there by his side and sleep with him.

Bye everybody, don’t worry about me. I’ll be FINE God-willing. May God protect us all and bless all the kind souls who have sent well wishes and prayed for us. Much love!


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