Back from a Breathing Space

11:57:00 PM

And I'm back. From most forms of social media. Wow, my last post here on the blog was over 3 months ago and my last Instagram post was on 13th September 2017, 18 days ago. It might be understandable that I've been away from the blog for quite a long while but for IG, that must've been a first for me.

For the blog, maybe its not so surprising for myself as I've been absent for the blog a number of times before due to certain circumstances. Sorry. But for Instagram, its something quite weird as I'm an active avid instagrammer. I usually post at least 3-4 posts daily. And sometimes when there are events it can even be more than 9 posts per day. if I don't post, it will only usually be just for 1 day. Unless I was really sick, in the hospital or going through a pregnancy complication or that time when I just lost my babies.

So, why did I not post anything on IG for the past 18 days? I didn't consciously set out to not post anything. It wasn't a planned social media cleanse or anything, but somehow one thing led to another and maybe it was something I needed, just to take a little breather away from the magnetic pull of social media.

But looking back, I think the first thing that triggered it was the recent unfortunate fire incident where we lost 24 Malaysians including 22 kids.

To say that I was deeply affected by it is really understating it. I woke up to the depressing news that morning, a horrible fire that happened just a few houses away from my parents place. It was such a tragedy. The cause of the tragedy when it was revealed made it even worse. It really affected me and triggered my own sadness and experience with childloss too. I think I'll share more of this in another post.

That incident led me to take a deep reflection of my life. What I've been doing with it. Where I am now. Death is indeed the best reminder of our mortality. But the 22 children's lives... that was really a heavy sacrifice. God knows best. 

This break from social media was good for me to reorganise my thoughts and look back at my priorities. Sometimes its important for us to just take a step back from the things that we love to do, or have been doing daily and look at the bigger picture. A few people who are quite close to me did mention how sometimes when we're having a meal together or a catch up, that I've been too involved with my phone. Its as though I can never switch off from work even for awhile. This is even more so before last year.  I guess when something started out as a hobby or just a passion, and then it becomes your job, you forget that its actually just work. It becomes harder to differentiate, and the lines get blurred. Of course, work is important, but family, friends and health are also important too, if not more. I think this year has been slightly different as I have a more active role as a mother to my son.

So slowly, I stopped attaching myself to my normal IG routine that I have for the past few years. It started off just as a something fun and just sharing my looks, which somehow became a valuable source of income and work for me. I'm still very thankful for social media for connecting me with so many beautiful souls and people from all around the world. But sometimes people just don't understand that taking pictures is a big part of my work. And like most other people's work, it's not all fun and games. It's serious and demanding. Behind the scenes there are actually a lot of thoughts, planning, effort and work going on.

So though I haven't been blogging or Instagramming as usual recently, I've been planning and working on other things that doesn't involve social media. Yes, life goes on pretty much even without social media, just haven't shared anything on social media. It's been quite a hectic period for me as well, with lots of new opportunities coming up and lots of work done in the background as well.

Looking back, for the past few years maybe I have prioritised too much on my work, both on my IG and blog. I'm someone who gives my all in everything I do. I've been meaning to share a lot more about other issues and topics that I have probably held back because in a way the tone conflicts with my work. This break was timely for me to realise that maybe I shouldn't hold back. We never know what may happen to us. We will never know if our time is up. 

The loss of my good friend Shea Rasol also affected me a lot this year. She left us too soon. I thought of publishing a blogpost dedicated to her, but somehow I haven't had the strength to do it. I did share a few posts about our dearest Shea on my IG though. 

I also took time during this break to also focus on my family too. I just came back from Langkawi a week ago, and it was pretty liberating just to go on holiday and not share *much* on social media, not having to think of what to post and share and just enjoying myself and the moment.  (That doesn't mean that I didn't take the usual thousands of photos during the trip though). I'll definitely be sharing more about this. And I'll definitely be sharing a bit more on my latest addition to my family too. He's the main reason why I've been extremely super busy this year too! 

So for anyone who is still around, thank you for staying and still being here... I'm back.

Outfit Details :

aere's AURORA Top in Black
aere's CAELI Pants in Black


Photos by Hazimah


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