Feeling in my Soul

12:29:00 PM

I've mentioned previously in this blog about my feelings on one of my favourite song by Aqualung, Brighter than Sunshine. As I was editing the video that I'm sharing here in this post, flashbacks of those beautiful memories related to this song came back to me. What a roller coaster of emotions it has been for me eventhough I've been really busy with so many many things. 

Most of the time I just have to fight my own feelings and just go on with life, but then I'm only human too. We can only push ourselves but all of us have our own limitations and weaknesses too especially when it comes to those whom we love so much. Missing someone we lost is a beautiful thing anyway, as we will only miss those we love. May our love for the ones we have lost brings us closer to His Love and make us stronger.

In one part of the video I actually twirled around so many many times till I felt faint. 

It has been a twirling mix of emotions. A roller coaster ride.

I shared deeply on this song in my post "Counting Down the Days : 14.1.14 Expect the Unxpected X" and I can't help but feel emotional when I read it last night. Missing those moments that I had with my babies when they were in me, when I carried them and at the same time extremely grateful for the beautiful memories that I have with them even though it might seem brief to others. For others, it might just be a short period of time, but for me, its' my children's whole lifetime. Its a lifetime and it will take my entire lifetime to get to see them again, if Gow wills it. Also share about my feelings towards the song in "Second in Heaven : 15.1.15".

Outfit Details :

aere's RAESA Top
aere's BRINA Skirt

The RAESA Top is a nursing friendly top with hidden zippers at the 3rd layer. It hit me when I was about to wear this beautiful top. When I was pregnant recently I felt that I needed to make more nursing friendly pieces for me to use. If I don't use it, at least others will be able to benefit from it too apart from it looking pretty. :)

Photos and video by Abdullah Khubayb


" 13th January 2013

80 days after my water broke.
Jibrael was still inside of me.
The fighter.
The miracle.
Tested at such a young age.
Tested even before she was born.
God tests whom He loves.

The day it all began.
A beautiful day it was.
For me the day was filled with joy.
Smiles and laughter.

Brighter than Sunshine by Aqualung.
I sang this song happily to Jibrael when I woke up.

"I look up, you're standing next to me, what a feeling."

I remember I sang this part looking up at my husband while I was lying on my hospital bed.
At that time, it has been more than 70 days I was in the hospital.
Not seeing the outside world.
Not breathing the air out of the hospital. 
But the feeling that I get to have my husband with me every time I see him, caring for me and loving me during the trying times when Jibrael and I were sick, 
was a feeling I could not even begin to explain.

I sang to Jibrael,

"What a feeling in my soul - love burns brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall I don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine"

Just, beautiful.

Makes my heart smile, everytime :)

I remember that morning, my husband bought me the book Reclaim Your Heart by Yasmin Mogahed for me to read.
Farhana Hamzah, her cheerful baby Yusuf Ali and Justine Shahirah visited me.
Shereen Bahawi visited me again. 
I even had grilled lamb from Chilis which I suddenly craved that day. 
My last meal with Jibrael before I gave birth.
A happy delicious meal.

"Love will remain a mystery,
But give me your hand and you will see.
Your heart is keeping time with me."

My finger in hers, her fingers in mine.
I will never ever forget that moment.
This love will not be understood and will always be a mystery to others.
A mother's love, to a child in heaven.
A great gift.



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