11.4.14 : Qadriyya Turns 2 : Expect the Unexpected XIV

6:45:00 PM

Happy Friday. :) Someone very dear and special to me turns two today... My pretty, big girl Qadriyya, daughter to my sister Hasanah Hilmi. She has grown so much!!! Look at her. 

"Hello tyBween..." :)

Beautiful baby isn't she? MasyaAllah.

The above is a picture I captured of her yesterday. 
Qadriyya came to the office yesterday and talked with me on the phone for awhile eventhough we were in the same room.  I was being silly with her, and it was fun!  
She brings me comfort in so many ways that I am unable to explain. 


She was a regular young visitor who was there at the hospital throughout our little family's trying times. 
She visited Jibrael, Khubayb and me a lot with her Mama and Daddy. She comforted and cheered us up a lot then and even up until today. 

She was also the youngest visitor who was there at the hospital the day I gave birth to Jibrael. 

Jibrael's BFF. :)

Best of friends forever.


I was looking through some old photos and found these photos of me, Jibrael in me, my husband, Qadriyya, her mama and daddy at the hospital from the times they visited me at the hospital.

I could not bring myself to do this last year, 
on her first birthday
but here's a post especially dedicated to my beloved Qadriyya on her second birthday.

2nd November 2013

2.11.13 in pictures.

It was the day after I was admitted into the hospital. Qadriyya and her Mama came to visit Jibrael, me and Khubayb.

 They brought delicious pasta and fresh yummy shrimp pasta for Jibrael and me :)

It was super delicious. Alhamdulillah.
Qadriyya and Mama went out of their way to cheer Jibrael and me up during those difficult moments when we were just admitted the day before.

I remember during my first trimester I could not eat because I vomitted all day if I try to drink or eat anything but that slowly changed. Hasanah brought the pasta and Jibrael and I enjoyed it very much. 

How I do I know Jibrael enjoyed it? Of course, obviously because I am the mother and plus I did not vomit it out :p Hehe.  

She sat on the bed where I was lying down almost all the time during that 78 days in the hospital.
She made sounds as though she was talking to Jibrael. 
There were times when she held my tummy as if she was saying to Jibrael, "it is okay Jibrael, 
everything is going to be alright.
She is truly Jibrael's first ever friend.

I scrolled through some more pictures and this caught my eye just now and it is so mysterious how God works.
Hasanah and Dian both did not really know each other before, but in the above photo, 
Qadriyya was playing with the soft toy Dian (mongkiwongki) gave me on my birthday eve, 1.11.13 the night before I was admitted into the hospital.

Now, Dian, Hasanah and I are all working together and we see each other almost every single day.
I am blessed to have these beautiful souls with me throughout good times and bad times, sisters of mine.

God's plans are the best and He works in mysterious ways. :)

 Her Mama was the first friend to know when I was transferred from one hospital to the other hospital which accepted me in to fight for Jibrael's life. 

6th November 2013

6.11.13 in pictures

Jibrael & Qadriyya's parents.

Most right picture, my belly. She was holding my belly under the hospital blanket where Jibrael was inside me.

I teased her with the balloon and she laughed so much! 
I laughed so much too that time Qadriyya cheered me up like no other at that time. 

A picture of Abah Jibrael and me with Jibrael inside me on the day Qadriyya, Mama and Daddy came to visit the three of us.

These are beautiful moments that I will never forget and let go. I don't want to forget no matter how others want and tell me to forget.

Khubayb and I will never forget these beautiful moments, which you are a part of Qadriyya. 

Uncle Khubayb, TyBween and Jibrael loves you very much Qadriyya. 

68 weeks ago

61 weeks ago

14th January 2013


Jibrael's date of birth.

The unexpected date.

Jibrael's due date was 12/13 April 2013 according to the doctors. Their birthdays would've been very very close.
But, Allah knows best.

Alhamdulillah Qadriyya was Jibrael's youngest supporter that day. She was there at the hospital.

Below seen with my relatives.
I am very blessed to have so many people loving and supporting my daughter's fight in this temporary world.

61 weeks ago

23rd day after I gave birth

Day 23 of confinement IG post by Mama Qadriyya.

Here's a picture of Khubby and Qadriyya a few months before I was admitted into the hospital.

So, why Expect the Unexpected for this post?

I did not expect that Jibrael won't be here to celebrate Qadriyya's birthday and vice versa. 
In this temporary world.
But, I did not also expect that Qadriyya will also be a comfort to me in ways I could never have imagined especially after Jibrael passed away.
I know if Jibrael is here they would definitely click and form a clique through the playtimes, tantrums and baby fights.
I know they would love each other's company just as I love her mother's company and grow together.
Qadriyya's Mama and me go way back, we were in the same class during Standard 1, when we were both 7 years old.

To dearest Qadriyya,
when you are big enough to read this,
know that you have done so much for Jibrael 
and you are Jibrael's first friend.
For that, I am forever grateful. :)
You may be just a baby but you have helped our little family so much in ways that I cannot begin to explain.
Sometimes, you understand me more than even adults. 
I can sense it.
I can feel it.

Qadriyya, Jibrael is waiting for us in heaven.
So always be a good girl to Mama and Daddy and we strive to go to heaven together okay.
Your Mama and Daddy has to go through so much to bring you up so always be thankful to them okay.

Jibrael is waiting for us in heaven and I am sure Jibrael is praying for you too as you have been such a good friend to her.

We will all meet her again one sweet day.

Only, if God wills it.

I am so grateful to have you in my life.

I love you very much Qadriyya sayang.



I end this post with your cheekiest photo I took of you yesterday!


10th April 2014



"My friend who's more like a dear sister to me, Hasanah Hilmi reminded me this of birthdays:

'When we reach our day of birth, it also means that we are closer to death. Although it is customary that we celebrate it out of joy, we should remind ourselves of death.'

Rather than celebrating it for fun we need to reflect, on the gifts that we have been blessed with. And that we are going closer to death. What preparations have we made since we are going even closer to death? This hit me hard because it reminded me of how ignorant I was in the past. Our preparations will never be enough because we need to remain consistent in learning and and keep on going to become a better person than we were yesterday to seek the pleasures of the ONE who created us.

This year, I am reminded of death. Not just my own as I'm aging, but of my daughter. She's no longer here. I'm reminded of the beautiful memories I managed to spend with her, of the beautiful moments that Monday morning at the time I gave birth to her, of the time I finally met her after I delivered her via c-section that Monday, and her death every single moment of the day. I'm reminded of the beautiful overwhelming feeling of happiness and joy when I gave birth to her and hearing her beautiful voice and having her fingers grabbed mine, only to then carry her dead body in my arms a few hours after that. Yes, I'm reminded of this every single day. More so, during birthdays. So it is not that difficult for me to be reminded of death during all the birthdays I come across, I have to face. My child, whom I carried, whom I expected to die after me (like any other mother would have expected of their children), left before me instead. How can I not think of death during every birthday that I have to go through?

However, I'm blessed and comforted to know that my beloved daughter Putri Jibrael Zumirrah went straight to heaven on that beautiful Monday."


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